Peace, Love and Goodwill Toward Men
by ilovetvalot
Summary: TWOSHOT written for FanaticalWriter. One elusive gift, two determined agents, one wily security guard. What can go wrong? It's a Hotch/Emily Christmas!
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._**

**_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._**

**_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._**

**_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._**

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_**Author's Note 2 – A special thank you to FanaticalWriter Fanfiction who suggested the following prompts for the Hotch/Emily Christmas story on Facebook: Finding the perfect present for Jack via a tri-county expedition, an ugly Christmas sweater, twinkling lights, running out of wrapping paper.**_

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**Peace, Love and Goodwill Toward Men**

**Chapter One**

"That's it," Aaron Hotchner declared decisively as he slammed the driver's side door to his SUV at the crazy hour of three o'clock on Christmas Eve. "I surrender. I concede defeat. Or, in other words, I quit. He's getting a bike."

"No, he isn't," Emily Prentiss retorted, shooting Hotch a patently Prentiss glare as she determinedly scooted forward in her seat. "He wants a LeapPad, Aaron, and that's what he's going to get if it kills us both," she replied firmly, her eyes darting around the shopping complex for some store they hadn't checked. How hard could this be? Honestly, you'd think the most popular gift of the holiday season would be better stocked than this.

Obviously it was a failure on the part of management everywhere.

"Emily, I have driven over a three county canvas searching for this damn toy. I'm done. Jack will be perfectly happy with a new bike," he returned, ignoring the flash in her dark eyes.

"A new bike wasn't on his list," Emily countered, holding up the handwritten letter to Santa Claus that had quickly become her ironclad shopping list. "See!" she said, waving the single page under his nose. "Not one single word about a bike."

Grimacing as he took the letter from her hand, Aaron leaned his head back against the driver's seat. "Emily, you know how much I want Jack to have the Christmas he deserves, but the absence of one gift under the tree isn't going to make or break the holiday," he explained gently. Seeing her face tighten mutinously, he sighed. Since they'd began to date six months ago, Emily had done everything in her power to give his son the sense of security he'd lacked since his mother had died...since Emily herself had "died". Whether it was baking cookies for school parties, attending tai kwon do matches that were exercise in patience for all involved, or reading bedtime stories, she'd never failed to make her son the focus of their lives.

But her determination in this particular undoing was quickly turning him into Ebenezer Scrooge. The urge to blurt "Bah Humbug!" to every holiday shopper that had inevitably crossed their path was becoming harder and harder to ignore. They weren't going to find this gift. It simply wasn't going to happen.

And the sooner that Emily realized it, the sooner he could escape all the twinkling lights threatening to trigger a migraine or homicidal spree at any given moment.

"I refuse to allow this day to be a failure." Emily shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared out the window at the Christmas tree on the roof of the building. "There's got to be something I haven't thought of yet."

"Emily, today wasn't a waste. We did find the world's ugliest Christmas sweater," he reminded her with a faint smile.

"I still can't believe you bought that monstrosity." Emily shuddered, wincing as she remembered the garish red sweater adorned with raised reindeer chasing Santa across the chest. "It's hideous."

"I agree. And the sweetest part of all is that Rossi won't be able to refuse wearing it since it's from Jack," Hotch replied gleefully. He still owed Dave for last year's glowing tie gift. He'd been forced to wear that neckpiece the entirety of Christmas Day last year. He'd vowed retribution and he'd found it this morning in the form of the sweater. The fact that when Rudolph's nose was pressed a rousing rendition of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" played...well, that was just flashing star on his tilting Christmas tree.

"You're evil," Emily said with a small giggle, swatting at his arm. "The tie wasn't that bad."

"Santa's penis was playing peek-a- boo every time the lights flashed. He was giving the elves a floor show," Hotch muttered under his breath. "Rossi is getting off easy. Can we please just swing by Toys-R-Us and get that bike I was eyeing earlier?"

"Not yet," Emily denied, reaching for her purse. "I've got one more idea," she explained, plucking out her cell phone and scrolling through the numbers."

"Got Santa on speed dial?" Hotch asked dryly.

"Better. I've got PG," Emily replied without looking up from the phone.

"Emily," Hotch began warningly, his eyes widening as she pressed the phone to her ear. God, if Garcia and Emily decided to team up, there was no way of knowing what kind of chaos could potentially ensue. And he really didn't want to spend the remainder of Christmas Eve bailing them out of jail. He was certain THAT wasn't on Jack's Christmas list.

Holding up a finger as she heard Garcia's cheerful, "Santa's super special associate, at your service! Speak and state your Christmas wish."

"PG!" Emily breathed, relieved she'd reached the woman on her first try. "Tell me you're around a computer right now," she demanded eagerly.

"Ohhh, my perky profiling pal," Garcia chortled. "You ask such silly, silly questions. Have iPad, will travel, mon ami!" Garcia giggled, already pulling her neon pink pad from the depths of her tote bag as she stepped around a customer in the packed Starbucks she stood inside. "What may I do for you this afternoon?" she asked. "Do we need to get one of Santa's elves on the horn?"

"We do!" Emily bobbed her head enthusiastically. "I'm in a pickle, Garcia, and you may be the only person on earth that can open the jar."

"Whatcha need, Sweets?" Garcia asked, smiling at the barista as she was passed her standard mocha flavored cappuccino.

"I need you to hack into every major department store chain's inventory system in a sixty mile radius and find me a LeapFrog LeapPad," Emily replied determinedly. "I've looked EVERYWHERE, Garcia. EVERYWHERE!" she said, her voice rising in panic. "And that thing is number one of Jack's letter to Santa. It's THE toy!" she said, ignoring Aaron's dropped jaw beside her.

Sitting down at a table in the corner, Garcia nodded. "Give me twenty minutes, my love. We'll locate that toy or make a trip to the North Pole personally."

Exhaling a relieved breath as she heard the confidence in the technical analyst's voice, Emily thanked her before hanging up.

"I can't believe you just drafted our technical analyst into breaking the law," Hotch balked, his eyes wide as he stared at the woman beside him.

"The only thing I can't believe is that I waited until now to call her and her considerable skills into the equation," Emily retorted unrepentantly, shaking her head. "Desperate times call for desperate measures, Aaron," she continued implacably. "So I suggest that you pull the candy cane out of your ass and climb aboard the North Pole Express Train before we run it over your prone body."

"Prone?" Hotch raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, prone. Because before I have the conductor roll over your ass, I'm gonna deck you," Emily informed him staunchly.

Both eyebrows arched as her threat echoed in the vehicle. It appeared as though the beautiful woman he'd fallen in love with had been possessed...and he didn't think it was with the Christmas spirit.

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_**So, there is the first chapter. What do you think?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Note: Hello! Chit Chat on Author's Corner forum have signups in session through December 31 for our "Resolutions Challenge" for January. Rules and details are also at the forum! Please join us for the challenge that will kickoff the New Year._**

**_Also, we're going strong over on FaceBook. We've got some amazing authors and fun threads. To join the fun, simply friend "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction". There's loads of fun to be had by all. Join us._**

**_A special note to my readers...as Christmas draws nearer, so does my husband's return from the war zone in Afghanistan. This said, posts will be slowing DRAMATICALLY after the holiday. Bear with me. Slower updates are expected to last approximately a month. But, real life and a family reconnection will take precedence. I'm sure you all understand. But, take heart, a happy hubby makes an energetic writer._**

**_And as always, thanks to our readers! Your reviews and alerts make our day and we love hearing from you! We don't own a thing, but we sure wish we did._**

**Peace, Love and Goodwill Toward Men**

**Chapter Two**

Fifteen minutes later found him still sitting in silence, stewing about his predicament when the phone rang. Watching Emily's face go from worried to beaming in ten seconds, he knew Garcia had hit pay dirt when he heard Emily squeal, "Garcia, you're a Holiday Houdini! We owe you!" Turning in her seat as she reached for her seatbelt, Emily beamed at Hotch.

"Let me guess," he muttered as he twisted the key in the ignition, "She found one."

"Of course she did," Emily declared as she nodded enthusiastically. "Garcia is a wunderkind."

"And a computerized criminal," Hotch grumbled under his breath. "Where am I going?" he asked as he backed out of his parking space.

"Target has a distribution warehouse on Old Drawbridge Road," Emily replied quickly as she pointed at the far corner of the windshield, "Take a left at the stoplight."

"A distribution warehouse?" Hotch asked in surprise, glancing at Emily. "Are you out of your mind? Emily, there's no way anyone there is going to sell us something directly out of the warehouse."

Tapping her foot impatiently against the floorboard, Emily snorted, "Wanna bet?"

"How exactly do you expect to do that? They don't even have cash registers...they aren't equipped to make sales."

"A quick flash of this might do the trick," she said, holding up her FBI badge. "And if that doesn't work, money talks," she declared flatly.

"Okay, sweetheart, I think you might have drifted into the slightly psychotic realm of Christmas," Hotch worried aloud as he maneuvered through the traffic signal. "You cannot use your badge for illicit activities."

"Fine, Mr. Unit Chief, sir," Emily saluted him sharply. "I'll use my wallet. Or my looks. Or whatever else it takes to walk out of that place with Jack's present."

"You're demented," Hotch sighed while he navigated the busy traffic.

"No, I'm determined...which is one of the things you like best about me," Emily reminded him grimly.

"Yeah, when you aren't committing felonies and dragging along our colleagues for the ride," he complained, squeezing the steering wheel with more effort than was necessary. "He'd be just as happy with a bike, Em."

"Drive, Aaron," Emily directed sternly with a nod toward the windshield.

Pulling into the almost deserted parking lot fifteen minutes later, Hotch glanced at Emily, practically vibrating with excitement as she spotted the security guard standing by the back door. "There he is! Garcia said she'd have somebody waiting for us."

"Great," Hotch mumbled, pressing his lips together as he threw the car into park and Emily jumped from the SUV. Following after her at a more sedate pace, he watched the guard wave at Emily.

"Ms. Prentiss?" the tall man called.

"That's me," Emily called back happily. "I think Penelope Garcia called ahead for me?"

"Yes, ma'am," the security guard replied, tipping his hat to her as he gripped the LeapPad in his left hand. "She sure did. I've got what you need right here," he said, holding up the box for her to see.

"Wonderful!" Emily breathed, practically salivating as she looked at the coveted box he held in his hand. "How much do you want for it?" she asked eagerly.

"Well," the middle aged man drawled, looking down at the green and white box, "I got this for my son this morning. Last one in the center, it was."

"Oh," Emily said, her face falling. "I thought Garcia told me it was for sale."

"Well, ma'am," the security guard returned slowly. "It is. For the right price."

"Are you kidding me?" Aaron growled under his breath, grunting as Emily's sharp elbow landed in his abdomen.

"Ignore him." She smiled when the security guard raised an eyebrow at Aaron. "Name your price," she said sweetly.

"Well, my boy was really looking forward to unwrapping this here toy Christmas morning," he began hesitantly, grimacing down at the package. "So, it'd have to be pretty sweet."

"Anything, sir," Emily said pleasantly, pasting on her best smile that had charmed convicts and congressmen alike. "I'm in the same boat you are."

"Well, I could let it go for five hundred," the man replied reluctantly, tucking the box back under his arm as he frowned.

"Five hundred!" Hotch yelped sharply, the sudden intake of winter air burning his lungs as he tried to catch his breath. "Are you nuts?"

Glaring at him, Emily hissed, "Aaron!"

"What?" Aaron asked indignantly, turning on his heel to face the woman that had obviously drifted far over to the dark side when he wasn't looking. "Emily, that's five times as much as they retail for, sweetheart! He's taking you for a ride," he said, gesturing at the man in front of them.

"Sold. We'll take it!" Emily told the security guard, ignoring the man beside her who was obviously intent on destroying her holiday cheer.

"We will not!" Aaron shook his head furiously, trying to draw Emily back. "It's too much."

"Aaron, I'm not leaving this parking lot without that toy," Emily stated adamantly, jabbing a finger at the package. "Pay this man."

"Pay him?" Hotch repeated, his jaw dropping. She couldn't be serious, could she? There was no way on Earth she could actually believe that toy was worth the exorbitant fee the other man was charging.

"Cash only," the security guard interjected quickly, smiling at the woman who had just made his day, week and month. "No returns."

Taking a step closer to her, Hotch whispered, "Tell the truth. This is some kind of good cop, bad cop routine you've got going, right? You don't actually expect me to pay that much for a single toy, do you?" Looking at the security guard, Hotch asked, "You do realize those things go for $99 in the store, right?"

"Yes, sir," the tall man nodded.

"Then what's the extra $400?" Hotch asked in exasperation.

"Finder's fee," the guard stated simply.

"Which we'll be pleased to pay," Emily assured him over her shoulder before turning back to Aaron. "Aaron?" she prodded, her eyes flashing ominously. "Pay the man so we can go."

"I...you..." Hotch stuttered as his hand fumbled for his wallet. Looking at her glittering gaze one last time, he knew he'd already lost the battle. Once her mind was made up, Emily Prentiss did not back down. Flipping open his wallet, he pulled five bills into his hands, slamming them into the open palm of the other man. "For the record, this was highway robbery."

The security guard grinned, passing the box into Emily's grabby hands. "For the record, I'm okay with that."

"So, what are you gonna do about your own kid?" Hotch asked wryly, stuffing his much thinner wallet back into his pocket.

Shrugging, the security guard stuffed the money into his pocket. "I'll get him a bike. Every kid wants a bike."

"That's what I said," Hotch muttered as Emily dragged him toward the parked SUV.

"Thank you," she called cheerfully over her shoulder.

"You just thanked him for robbing me blind," Hotch complained as he slid behind the wheel again.

"I can live with it," Emily said happily, clutching the box to her chest like a life preserver.

"You do realize that Christmas is supposed to be about peace, love and goodwill toward men," Hotch stated evenly.

"I do. You willing gave over your hard earned cash for the benefit of my sanity and I love you for it. Now, you can have the peace that you so richly deserve," Emily returned sweetly, leaning over to press a kiss to his jaw.

And with a faint smile, Aaron Hotchner knew he couldn't argue with that.

After all, there were some things money just couldn't buy.

**Finis**

**So, another Christmas story bites the dust. Did you enjoy this one?**


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